i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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