Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
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Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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