She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
