I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
