Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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