we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
