Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
