Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
