you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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