The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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