Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
