Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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