i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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