i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
