Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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