I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
