I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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