Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
