It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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