Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.

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  (916): I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy. http://tfl.nu/1tnq
  Replies (7) Good night (1915) Bad night (613)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.

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  (989): I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses. http://tfl.nu/7uea
  Replies (60) Good night (753) Bad night (4072)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...

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  (717): I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine... http://tfl.nu/s1vo
  Replies (11) Good night (4292) Bad night (781)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here

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  (906): Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here http://tfl.nu/0qbu
  Replies (12) Good night (6073) Bad night (871)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.

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  (617): i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar. http://tfl.nu/1t99
  Replies (7) Good night (2966) Bad night (1032)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.

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  (270): he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment. http://tfl.nu/tur1
  Replies (5) Good night (2501) Bad night (955)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.

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  (504): Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me. http://tfl.nu/ogbu
  Replies (3) Good night (1051) Bad night (1714)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog

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  (973): i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog http://tfl.nu/1yan
  Replies (12) Good night (1026) Bad night (2843)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.

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  (860): My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck. http://tfl.nu/363f
  Replies (11) Good night (1857) Bad night (697)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.

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  (717): I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again. http://tfl.nu/mwhq
  Replies (7) Good night (622) Bad night (2022)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way

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  (563): it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way http://tfl.nu/kc5u
  Replies (8) Good night (592) Bad night (1107)
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  (626): View more from California

  It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."

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  (626): It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed." http://tfl.nu/13ua
  Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"

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  (212): I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy" http://tfl.nu/3mee
  Replies (3) Good night (1372) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.

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  (270): Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man. http://tfl.nu/achk
  Replies (9) Good night (2323) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall

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  (805): THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall http://tfl.nu/p5vc
  Replies (7) Good night (601) Bad night (417)

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