the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
