is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.