Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my being single is dangerous.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"