Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN