So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.