I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.