I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.