she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.