i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
