I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
