you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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