i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
