you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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