why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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