What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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