If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
