If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
