he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
