Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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