I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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