Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
