Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
