Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
