So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
