I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
