I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
