I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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