So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
