yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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