i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
