ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
