I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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