Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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