dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
