he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
