i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
