you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Randomize
