Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
