is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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