hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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