U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
