sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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