someone threw a dead crab at me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
