you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How naked do you want me to be?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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