sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
