My room smells like vodka and shame
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
