I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
