I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
