my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
