I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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