hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
