Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
