Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
