So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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