Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
