You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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