I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
