we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
