oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
