flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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